Fifi and the Hillwood Rodeo
by Inudaughter Returns
Summary: Sixth grade is right around the corner for Arnold and his classmates. But summer isn't over quite yet! Fifi from the countryside drags Helga into one more misadventure.


**This one is another one of those stories I really wonder about. Rodeos and the participation of children in them is one of those hot topics, so please let me know your opinions, people! Some people are adamantly for rodeos, some adamantly against. I tried to walk a delicate line between the two here, which I don't know is really possible. Also, I included a little treat for Numbah. All the best!- Inudaughter.**

"Well," said Helga pushing back the face shield she wore while catching baseballs. "Just four more weeks of summer vacation left! Then it's the start of a whole 'nother school year!" She slouched forward, hands on either side of her pink dress. Helga scowled, because soon she and all her school friends would be starting sixth grade, the most difficult of all the grade school years. They gave out three times the amount of homework.

"Yeah, but I'm kinda actually looking forward to it!" said Arnold still tossing a baseball back and forth with Gerald even though most of the school kids had already left Gerald's field. Slowly, they were in the process of trickling away one by one to do chores like Sid or to go home for a snack like Harold.

"Are you kidding me!" Gerald objected soundly. "You wanna go back to school to sit in a desk all day and learn what? What the insides of a frog are supposed to look like?!"

"Oh, come on, Gerald!" coaxed Arnold. "School isn't all bad! Some of it is actually kind of interesting! I'm actually getting a little bored."

"Bored? You want bored? Try listening to Mrs. Oberman, that's what will get you bored! Two hours of learning about all the nasty diseases a human body can possibly get, or why one fish doesn't talk to the other fish."

"Gerald, there's only so many times even I can stand to play Chinese checkers," voiced Arnold. "It's time."

"It isn't like you get a choice, Geraldo," Helga sneered. "Doi!"

"I know!" Gerald said in squeaky defeat. "I just hate to say goodbye to a summer that has been so sweet!" Reflecting, Helga's face lost its scowl for a dreamy look. This summer had been good to her. Helga had spent an entire month of it with Arnold visiting his cousin Arnie, through mischief of course. She sighed happily. Then another thought occurred to her. Something she had seen recently.

"Say, Tall-Hair Boy!" Helga snapped to get Gerald's attention. "I was away at summer camp for quite a while," said Helga perpetuating the lie she had used to tag along with Arnold. "Do you mind telling me how Phoebe got a hold of one of your shirts? I saw one over at her place." Gerald coughed and rolled his eyes far away into the corner.

"No idea!" Gerald declared. Helga rolled her eyes at him.

"Sure you don't!" said Helga throwing a baseball with enough force to bean him in the head if only she threw it a little higher. Gerald caught it nervously.

"Well, Phoebe might have let me try out her hot tub once," admitted Gerald. "But that's intel not to be bandied around! People might get the wrong idea about it!"

"Right," Helga said with a dubious sniff. She'd have to have a talk with Phoebe later. But for now, Gerald was spared.

"Like you're one to talk!" said Gerald. "I saw that 'postcard' you sent Lila!" Now it was Helga's turn to blush. She rolled her eyes around thinking desperately.

"Postcard? What postcard?" asked Arnold modestly. He had no idea Helga had sent a picture of herself with Arnold and Arnie to tease Lila.

"Oh, look at the time!" said Helga shoving Arnold along by his back shoulders. "I'm getting really hungry! We should all go get a cheeseburger or something!" Helga blurted out in a panic. But Arnold dug his heels into the ground and straightened his back out so that he stopped.

"Um, actually Helga, I'm not that hungry! So I'm gonna go home. Spend some time with the folks."

"Alright, man!" said Gerald giving Arnold a 'cool' thumb shake. "See ya around!" Gerald and Helga both watched Arnold as he walked around the street corner to get to Vine Street. Then Gerald and Helga glared at one another.

"I won't tell if you won't tell!" Gerald offered.

"Deal!" Helga declared. She and Gerald shook on it. Then they both whirred on their heels and stomped away.

Really, it had a foolish thing to send that postcard to Lila, Helga berated herself as she walked home. If everyone in her grade saw it, they'd get strange ideas that she and Arnold were closer than they actually were. Helga had only gone to spend a month away with Arnold because she had tricked Arnie, and at first, Arnold had been rather upset about it. Still, the whole thing had turned out better than okay.

During the first whole month of summer vacation, Helga had made a new, great friend because of it. Fifi was a girl with raven hair like Phoebe's and about the same, height, too. Both of them shared a propensity for blue clothing. But that is where the similarities ended, for Fifi's hair was curly and she had a wildcat of a personality. Fifi had found delight in giving both Arnold and Helga a hard time. She had even fooled them for a time that they were being chased by space aliens when it really was Fifi and her friends in disguise. Better than Fifi's devilish sense of humor was her infectious boldness. It demanded for others to rise to the occasion. Even Helga G. Pataki had found herself playing along with Fifi's game.

Thinking about both her old, long-time friend, Phoebe, and her newly acquired, sudden friend, Fifi, Helga felt the sudden impulse to call up both. When she got home, stomping up the stairs that were pleasant to slide down on a cardboard box when no one was looking, Helga dialed up Phoebe. They promised to meet up to buy school supplies together, since that was one of the biggest shopping bonanzas a school girl could get, then hung up the phone. Helga cracked her knuckles. She took a deep breath for the courage to have faith. Then she dialed a number written onto the corner of one of her comic books. The phone rang timorously. Then, much to Helga's pleasure, Fifi's voice came snapping onto the line.

"Hello? Fifi here!" the girl declared. "Are you looking for Pa?"

"Fifi, it's me, Helga from Hillwood!" Helga pleaded for remembrance. After all, it had only been a short time since they had parted. Fifi giggled in delight.

"Helga! I've missed having you and Arnold around. I think even Arnie misses the both of you. It's boring around here without you! But listen! You two stay right there! I'm coming over to Hillwood next week, and I want you two to meet me!"

"Really?! That's great!" spout Helga at the unexpected good news. "It'd be great to see you, too! It's funny, though. I can't imagine you in Hillwood."

"It's for a tournament," Fifi explained. "Maybe you'd like to join it, too! It's for nine to twelve year olds."

"What is it?" Helga asked, striving to imagine the possibilities. But instead she could almost see the smile in Fifi's voice.

"You'll see!" she promised. "Come to the county fair grounds. It's being rented out for the Hillwood Rodeo. Fifteen dollars a ticket."

"Well, I don't know," said Helga. "Fifteen dollars a ticket to see a bunch of cows? That's pretty steep, sister."

"Oh, it's not to see cows, Helga!" corrected Fifi. "It's to see cowboys! Just come and I promise you'll have a good time!"

"Well, okay," Helga relented. She scribbled down a little note for herself, said her goodbyes, and then hung up the phone.

The next day was one of those rare occasions when Phoebe had forgone viola lessons or some other kind of brainiac activity to play baseball with the others at Gerald's field. Helga and Phoebe were waiting for the other frequent baseball players to arrive when Gerald and Arnold arrived, Gerald with his glove and Arnold with his favorite baseball bat over his shoulder. With almost sleepy eyes, Arnold approached with a smile.

"Hey, Helga!" Arnold said, looking forward to a pleasant day of his favorite game: baseball! Helga pinned him down with a stare.

"Hey, Arnold," Helga suddenly declared out of the blue (which she was good at). "I just talked to our ol' pal, Fifi the other night and she wanted you and me to go see her tournament. So do you want to go?"

"Who's Fifi?" Phoebe asked. But she was ignored. Gerald lifted his hands up and shook his head in a silent gesture of, "I have no idea."

"Fifi?" asked Arnold, almost alarmed. "What is she doing in Hillwood?"

"Like I said, a tournament! Only it costs fifteen bucks to get in the door to see."

"I dunno," Arnold lamented, one finger poised on his chin as he thought, the other hand behind his back as he looked to the ground. "If I go near Fifi I might get wound up in one of her wild contests. Or I might hear obnoxious things like, 'my carp is bigger than your carp,' again."

"Arnie's carp was bigger than your carp, remember?" said Helga. As Arnold scowled, Phoebe and Gerald both made horrified and shocked faces in the background. "But to the victor goes the prize, right?" Helga ended so sweetly Arnold's irritation wore away.

"Well, alright! We'll go meet Fifi! I just hope she's not in the mood for one of her tricks," said Arnold rolling his eyes.

"Oh, I'm pretty sure she's cooked up somethin'," Helga warned. "She wouldn't tell me what contest she is participating in."

"Hm," thought Arnold.

But it was decided. The next week, both Arnold and Helga showed up to Hillwood's Fairgrounds. It was the same place that the traveling shows like the circus visited- at the city's limits and far-removed from their very urban neighborhood. But the subway connected to it all the same, perhaps to encourage future development along that branching arm of roadway.

Helga and Arnold followed a rather slender line of commuters to an even larger crowd of people waiting outside what looked to be a stadium made entirely out of wooden boards. From inside of it came rowdy cheering. Fifteen dollars bought a three-day weekend pass to the show. Helga spun her head around to stare at stands selling cowboy hats and other souvenirs. Most of the crowd were wearing cowboy hats, already, some of them real, true, expensive ones, while others the cheaper souvenir ones made of straw or canvas. With a smile, Helga strut over to the stall and pointed to a pink cowgirl hat hanging in the corner of the back wall. Removing a bill from her pocket, she slapped it down on the counter in exchange for a hat. Then she tied the pink cowboy hat on her head and posed sideways.

"Lookin' good, huh?" Helga fished for compliments.

"Sure," Arnold answered mildly but without a lot of enthusiasm. They pressed on to go inside.

Arnold really hoped the reason Fifi had asked them to meet her at the water dunk tank wasn't because she planned to put him in it. But instead, there was a rodeo clown raising money for some charity. Kids threw balls at a target to sink him into a tub full of water. Fifi stood beside the water dunk tank looking mostly innocent.

"Helga! Arnold! It's so good to see you!" said Fifi vaulting forward to give Helga a snug embrace. Helga smiled wanly.

"So what's the big surprise?" Helga asked pressing away from her short but energetic friend. Her eyes puzzled over her friend's appearance. Fifi wore a deep brown leather cowboy hat for the occasion. She dressed in boots and thick jeans, too. Fifi grinned.

"Well, I've signed up for the Junior Rodeo of course! I'm too young to ride bulls, but I can participate in the steer riding, and I've signed up! I want you to, too! Helga! It'll be fun!" Fifi held up a sheet of paper. Helga took it to look at.

"I don't get it! Why would I want to ride a cow?" asked Helga tossing the sheet away behind her shoulder. But Fifi picked it up again.

"Fame. Glory. Prize money. The thrill of a strong animal rocking under you!"

"Hm. Keep talking!" Helga demanded. Fifi smiled.

"Let's go see the parade, the barrel riding, and the post bending competitions! Then when the fairgrounds close down, I can show you the livestock! My Pa is one of the organizers, you know. Some of the cows here are his."

"Well, we're here anyway so we might as well," said Helga with a shrug. She prowled along behind Fifi as she floated merrily. They bought cold drinks in paper cups and sticky short ribs wrapped in tin foil and sat in the stands to enjoy them.

"You wait here!" demanded Fifi. "I'm going to be in the opening parade!" Then she left for the time being. The wait felt very long.

"What time is it?" Helga wondered for the millionth time because she hadn't brought her watch. But soon, a parade of rodeo clowns, cowboys, some horses, and a few floats topped by country singers made their way into the stadium. All of the upcoming competitors were in the parade. That included Fifi, whom waved ecstatically toward Arnold and Helga. Soon Fifi came back to join them in the stands.

"Just watch!" Fifi promised. "You'll like it!"

The center of area was filled from one end to the other with dusty red-brown dirt. Some of the rodeo staff placed three barrels out on this field, very far away from one another. Fifi grinned.

"The object of this competition is to prove you've a good horse and you're a great rider! She needs to weave around all three barrels to make a 'clover-leaf' in as short a time as possible!"

"Ah-ha," said Helga nervously because she didn't understand this stuff at all. What did barrels have to do with clover-leaves?

But soon, the first competitor rode out of the chute at breakneck speed. She did a tight loop-de-loop around the first barrel, then the second, then the third before racing back into the chute again. Within minutes, the same action was repeated by four more riders, all of them racing like there was a fire on their tail. A loudspeaker announced the results overhead. "Winner of Division A: Katie Garr, 22.4 seconds!"

The next competition was quite a bit similar. A horse and rider wove through a series of poles. Arnold watched these races with much more interest than Helga did. He had ridden a mule to the races at Hillwood, before. But Helga hadn't ridden more than ponies for years.

"So why aren't you out there?" Helga prodded Fifi. But Fifi smiled serenely.

"I didn't bring a horse with me! No, I'm only participating in the steer riding this time. I can't resist! I've been calf riding since I was six!"

"Are you kidding me?" asked Helga, her eyes huge. "They let kids younger than eight participate in a rodeo?!"

"Well, children under eight only get to ride calfs instead of steers. They can also rope and tie goats, but a lot of the events are for older people! Like you, Helga! You're plenty old enough to compete!"

"I'm still not convinced I want to!" said Helga with a shrug. "I might end up with a spinal cord injury and be maimed for life! Or I might get 'cow' all over me. Bleh! That being said," said Helga her tone dropping from complaints to something a little warmer and gentler. "My Mom says she was state bull riding champion when she was a girl. It kind of makes me wonder if I could do something like that, too. Sans the homicidal bull, of course."

"Steers are much gentler!" Fifi promised. "Just think about it, alright?" she ended, folding the page into Helga's hand. Arnold grimaced.

"Helga, I totally agree with you. Riding a steer would be foolish. Why risk it?" Helga smiled. Arnold worrying about her made her feel giddy inside. Too bad Fifi was still watching or she might have acted impulsively and rubbed Arnold's sweet nose!

Still, Helga fished the entry form out of her pocket when she returned home and propped it at the supper table before her. She chewed on the end of one french fry thoughtfully and downed a cup of milk to make it easier to swallow. Miriam looked up at the page.

"Whatever is the matter, honey?" Miriam said in one of her rare moods of nurturing. Mostly, it was likely due to curiosity, because Miriam picked up the page Helga was so interested in and adjusted her glasses to read it better. Miriam's face lit up with delight.

"Oh, honey!" said Miriam hugging the page to her chest. "I am so proud of you! So you you want to enter the Hillwood Rodeo! Well!" said Miriam pulling out a pen on the spot and endorsing the page. "We'll be cheering for you, honey!"

"But Mom!" said Helga protesting. "Don't you think it's a little dangerous?"

"Nonsense, honey!" said Miriam. "You know, my grandparents used to have a cow ranch! Your great, great grandfather on my side was a real, live cowboy! Back in those days, they used to drive steers all the way to the railroad tracks! It was a lot of hard work, but the meat-packing companies would take those animals to feed the city people! That's how the family made most of its money."

"I thought Grandma and Grandpa live in Dakota," said Helga flinching.

"They do, honey!" Miriam said with a sad, soft sigh. "But the family ranch was sold off eons ago! It's such a sad thing, really. But I used to live out in the country when I was a little girl! I wanted to ride horses. I ended up becoming state bull riding champion, instead, can you imagine it?" Miriam spewed on with joy. "I found show riding to be just so… invigorating!" Miriam ended with a giggle. Helga was equally parts encouraged and nauseate to see her mother so happy about this. She remembered the mechanical bull Miriam had been thrown off during their ill-fated road trip.

After dinner, Helga put on her little pink cowgirl hat and looked in the mirror. As she studied herself, there came a knock on the door. It was Miriam with a paper shopping bag in her hand.

"Hi, honey!" Miriam sang, practically glowing. She pulled a little pair of white cowboy boots out of the bag. With a wane smile, Helga sat down on her bed to try them on. She wiggled her toes. They were awfully odd to walk in.

"Wow, Mom! Thanks!" Helga said softly. Current events left her feeling a bit confused. But it was nice in a way to see her mother so cheerful. She hadn't mixed a smoothie up all day.

"You look, oh just so grown-up!" Miriam cooed. Helga stared down at the boots on her feet, feeling even more awkward than ever.

"Sure, Mom, sure," she mumbled.

The next day, Helga got a ride to the Fairgrounds in the family car. Even Big Bob was coming along this time, for some unknown reason. Her parents turned in the entry form for her. Then, feeling slightly ashamed for what she was about to do, Helga went to find Fifi.

"Helga!" Arnold stated when she found Fifi at the fairgrounds. "What is going on? I tried calling you this morning but no one answered the phone."

"That's because my parents brought me this morning, Football-Head," Helga answered defensively out of habit. Then she sighed. "Look, Arnoldo.. There's something I have to confess. I showed the entry form to my parents and well, I'm signed up!"

"You are?" asked Arnold.

"Yup," Helga lamented. "Where else would I get the fifty bucks?" The entry fee for such contests was steep. Arnold's eyes were wide for a moment, then they narrowed back to back to their normal size, then just a little peeved.

"Well, I guess it can't be helped, then!" said Arnold. "But Helga! Please try to be… I don't know… careful?" Arnold questioned as if such a request was impossible. Helga grinned.

"As careful as someone being thrown off a rampaging animal can be!" Helga promised.

"Great!" Arnold said with enormous sarcasm.

"Okay!" said Fifi with mischievous delight. "That means I get to tell you all you know about riding cattle! The first thing to know, is that the contest lasts for eight seconds. The steer will try to shake you off, but if you manage to stay on the whole time, you've pretty much won! To get started, get on the steer, holding onto the chute poles. They're the bars made of metal. Can't miss them! Next, you've got grab hold of the rope with your gloves! I'll get you good ones made of leather, so you don't get rope burn! Next after that, you've got to take a deep breath, because riding a cow is a lot like diving under water. There isn't a whole lot of time to breath once you start! Then, you nod to have the chute opened. The cow will get out, and you'll need to to keep one hand out in the air to balance. Hold onto the rope with only one hand, okay? Move with animal! Lean with it! When it bucks you off, try to slide off neatly and then run for the gate! Steers don't tend to be mean, but it's good practice for bulls. They're gore you if they can catch you!"

"And people do this because?" asked Helga twisting an eyebrow upwards.

"Why do people let bulls run loose in the streets of Spain?" asked Fifi. "The thrill of it!" Helga sighed.

"But if the prize money isn't enough," offered Fifi, sensing Helga's reluctance. " I could sweeten the pot..."

"Whaddya mean?" asked Helga, every bit as tense as Fifi was loose and limber.

"Hm," said Fifi leaning backwards, one blue cowboy boot hooked over the other one. She thought. "How about if you win third place or higher…" she leant forward and whispered, "I get you a whole album of Christmas card photos of Arnold off of Arnie!"

"Huh? What makes you think I'd be interested in something like that?!" Helga huffed. But Fifi smiled a benign grin.

"If I'm mistaken about a lot of things and you're REALLY not interested, then we don't need to make a wager."

"Hold on!" said Helga, thinking rapidly. "If I don't win the bet, what will you get?"

"Oh, nothing much!" said Fifi. "But for my amusement, all I want you to do is say two little words to Arnold." Fifi whispered them in Helga's ear. Her eyes grew wide.

"I can't say that!" she uttered, still raw with horror.

"Nah, ah, ah!" said Fifi with wicked glee. "Don't back out so quickly. Isn't the prize worth the cost?" Helga grit her teeth.

"I need to stop hanging out with you!" Helga muttered. She threw up her arms in surrender. "Fine, okay! I'll humiliate myself! First by falling off a cow and secondly, by being mortified in front of my friends!"

"I knew you could do it!" said Fifi, a glint in her eye. "That's the spirit!"

"No, I think the accurate word is, 'sucker'!" Helga lamented. But she followed Fifi toward the the contestant's waiting area just the same. "I can't believe I'm going through with this!"

"Just watch me and the other competitors and you'll get the idea!" Fifi promised.

Helga followed Fifi to the rear of the stands where the animals were. Competitors were lining up. Much to Helga's astonishment, she recognized three of the competitors as kids from her school- Eugene, Sid, and Big Patty!

Mute, Helga waited in line and watched as the read-headed, clumsy Eugene hoisted himself up onto a big reddish-brown cow. He wore matching white gloves, boots and hat for the occasion. "Yeeha!" Eugene shouted out happily. The gate clanged open and Eugene and the cow went bouncing out. Eugene was thrown almost immediately. With a 360 degree spin, Eugene whirled over the cow's head and got shoved from behind by the furious cow.

"OOOH!" was the crowd's collective groan. Helga grimaced.

"Next, up, Katie Garr!" sang out the judge on the loudspeaker. The obviously experienced young cowgirl stayed on for seven whole seconds.

"Patty!" said the judge. Big Patty managed to stay on a respectable five seconds before she was launched. Then with a very faint smile on her lips, she jogged away to the gate. An entire string of country boys and girls went. Then louder speakers announced a familiar name.

"Contestant number nine, Sid from Hillwood's P.S. 118!" the announcer declared with relish. Helga blinked. Sid was dressed exactly as he was every day except he had a brown cowboy hat on instead of his usual green ballcap. Sid grinned and with a nod, the door to the chute was released. The steer with Sid on its back began to writhe, bucking even as it exited the gate. But somehow, as the seconds ticked by, Sid managed to hold on. Lean and limber and loose, he bounced along the steer's back like he was enjoying the ride on a trampoline. A horn-like sound came from the loudspeakers and pierced the air. The steer stopped and Sid slid off to resounding cheers.

"Wahooo! Yeah! Aw, aw, awrooo!" Sid pumped his fists into the air and stomped his boots in a victory dance.

"Contestant number ten, Helga Pataki!" someone said over the loudspeaker.

"Humph! If Sid can do it, so can I!" Helga declared. Steeling herself, she trotted up the the chute and was lifted up onto a hulking young cow. She took a deep breath as Fifi had coached. Then she nodded.

"Whoooo!" the crowd cheered on as Helga bounced this way, then that. But all of a sudden she was thrown and that gymnastics training when she was eight kicked in. She dropped her shoulder and did a basic roll to hit the ground on her shoulder and come up onto her feet.

"Wow!" Helga blinked. Then grinning like a fool, she skipped all the way to the cattle gate and through it to finish her round. Helga was feeling pretty good about herself. But then Fifi went for her ride. She finished the round at the full eight seconds like Sid had.

"Too bad, Helga!" said Fifi. Helga was dusting herself off. Even if Helga slapped her hat against herself, a lot of the dirt remained on her pink shirt and pants. "That new kid, Sid placed first, and I was second! Katie was third! So that means I win the bet!"

"I guess you did," admitted Helga mildly. "So what is it you want me to do?"

"Easy!" said Fifi with a mischievous smile. "All I want you to do is say two little words to Arnold!" Helga's eyes grew wide, recalling their earlier conversation.

"You know I still can't say that!" Helga protested.

"Ah-ah-ah!" said Fifi shaking her head, her hands folded behind her back as she gave Helga a look that was both cunning and coy. "A bet is a bet!"

"Alright, alright, I'll do it! Sheesh!" said Helga moving up next to Arnold. Her eyes scuttled around like a crab. Arnold noticed her uneasiness immediately.

"What were you and Fifi talking about?" said Arnold lowering the paper cup of his soda.

"Spank me," Helga said abruptly.

"Wha?" Arnold asked, too astonished to complete one word.

Helga gritted her teeth. "I said, if you think I'm so naughty, then spank me!" Arnold blinked, the paper cup in his hand now reduced to a matted ball of paper. Then he relaxed. Arnold's eyes took on a different look. A teasingly sensual one. His Dark Arnold.

"Don't mind if I do!" said Arnold leaning forward to smile, bewitchingly into Helga's face. Flustering a bright red, Helga abruptly fainted. When she came to, she was in one of the tents.

"Wha? Where? What happened?" Helga muttered looking all around. Arnold and Fifi sat beside her on plastic chairs.

"You fainted!" said Fifi. "Arnold had to accept your fourth-place ribbon for you! Sorry, Helga! There's always next year!

"Well, next year I think I'm going to bet money on Sid, instead. That kid's got a natural knack for these things!" Then Helga turned to Arnold.

"Feeling better?" Arnold asked. Helga nodded, a weak smile on her pale face. "Good. I'm going to buy two chili dogs. Do you want one?"

"Yep!"

"Alright," said Arnold suddenly sounding a mite curious. The golden-haired boy swished his eyes back and forth, then, pretending to be casual, leant sideways and blew into Helga's ear. The girl nearly fainted again.

"Arnold!" Helga gaped, her hand covering her ear. "What was that for?!"

"I dunno," said Arnold mischievously. "Fifi paid me thirty bucks to do it."

"Fifi!" Helga shouted. But then she smiled. Thanks to Fifi, this weekend hadn't been boring at all. The end.


End file.
